2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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