come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
