We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
