Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
