And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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