I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
