p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
