im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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