Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
