Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You work out of a Hotel?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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