I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
