Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how can u be prego again
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
