I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize