counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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