there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
