the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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