my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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