Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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