shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
