time to smoke my breakfast
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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