Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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