8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
