just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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