dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
