You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
