There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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