her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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