He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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