This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize