My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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