we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
