I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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