i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
