I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize