why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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