your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
