just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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