Dual....:-)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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