I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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