I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
