I puked a lego.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
