All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize