I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
