So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
