You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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