dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
