I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
