I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
