I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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