I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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