We won't sleep together?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
