I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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