My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
