My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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