9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do herpes really smell.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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