I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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