Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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