sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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