Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
