She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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