It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
