I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
