I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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