there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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