just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
