I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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