id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
