found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize