My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
