I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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