Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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