Welp...herpes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
