if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
